Thread: Five Things That Won't Give You Cancer

FACT: Loads of things 'cause cancer. So we wrote a song about stuff that doesn't. List anymore suggestions of safe stuff at the end. Ta.

I was walking to the shop
When I found a bunch of things
Five of which, I guarantee
Will never give you cancer....

Number one, I found a brush
It brushes hair, it was a hairbrush
It's made of plastic and a bit of wood
Not a cyst and not a tumor

It's one of...

FIVE THINGS THAT WON'T GIVE YOU CANCER
FIVE THINGS YOU NEED NOT FEAR
YOU WON'T NEED THE KIMOTHERAPY
YOUR END IS NOT THAT NEAR!

Number two, I found a dog
It gave me worms but never cancer
And number three, a tiny rug
Very warm - not 'cause of radon!

Number four, a bunsen burner
Gave me a wound - But never a tumor!
And number five, an enormous shed
A lovely place to keep your shoes in!!

Repeat chorus, chuck in a solo or two and an ending that mentions AIDS.

Any other suggestions about what WON'T give you cancer?

Them chocolatey paper fake fags my nan used to buy me when I was little. The fact that the were probably made by a one armed drunk in Bratislava, who worked for 32 hours a day, at the princly annual rate of 0.50 of a bob and two ringpulls in awful dirty asbestos (does that still cause cancer?) conditions, didn't seem to concern her.

God I'm bored. Yeh, in summary, I do not infact cause cancer and neither does my husband Jack. Although Mr. Daniels may cause alcoholism and eventual liver failure.

cheese!

Some nice ideas but eventually I'm sure some scientist will try to prove that cheese causes cancer too.

yeah a scientist would argue that lots of cheese makes you fat, and being fat gives you more chance of cancer.

here are some things that i can safely say wont give you cancer...

evian mineral water
playing golf in a radiation suit

Originally Posted by RyanOfTheJones

Some nice ideas but eventually I'm sure some scientist will try to prove that cheese causes cancer too.

yeah i agree with this...but in the end i think that they will say that burns sumhow give you skin cancer so really a bunsen burner may give cancer too lol.

Oooooooooooooooooooo - that's a good point! - however - prehaps there was no flame-- wait, it mentions a wound... fuck.

lol sorry like.

ah i found summin...tomatoes... they dont give u cancer, in fact men should eat them to help prevent testicular cancer.